For my dearest friend,
the author of these words,
Perhaps the darkest times
in our lives are only the darkest
because of the light
running from the horizon.
All we can do
is to seize the fusion
of darkness and lightness,
and be aware
that the shade of our grief
and sorrow
does not swallow us whole.
For we find,
when the time comes,
that the shade cannot exist
without the lightness,
nor without the darkness.
Ling once,
Ling twice...
I sit and ask myself, what has my life amounted to?
My vision blurred by apparitions of the past,
As I walk through what’s left.
Haunted and endlessly caressed by what’s passed,
Coddled and possessed by the agents of duress.
A weary and wounded heart is all that’s left.
Heavy eyes defiled by endless lies,
Shield a clever mind from the ills of the times.
The one truth can’t hide, although we revel in our deafness and blindness.
I sit and ask myself, what have I sent forth?
Have I competed with the honored and strived for what’s right?
Is it enough- will it ever be enough?
All I pray for with what’s left,
Is a good ending.
An ending where I die standing, knowing I’ve done my part.
The book of my life, a story of many ironies,
An adventure never short of color and excitement,
Yet a tale of a full life unlived.
I wonder when the end will come
Will it’s embrace be warm- warmer than life?
Yearning for the day where I walk through the door.
Wealth and standing, the trappings of the worldly life,
An endless desire to fill a bottomless pit.
A life spent decorating a hotel room.
The soothsayers’ whispers- a stream that overflows,
Taunt me at every turn and every bend with lies that bend.
An endless struggle against a vehement foe, what lies inside.
To love the impermanent is a curse,
Just like life, nothing more than the mere enjoyment of delusion,
Mindless distractions from the one true truth, the end.
Today marks the start of a new calendar,
The sun shines a warm dawn on the lone wanderer,
The advent of a new age of liberty,
Free from the chains and talons of misery,
Year one- day one of a renewed life,
A successful escape from fear and strife.
Spells of soothsayers served to confuse,
Enigmatic words, contradictions and half-truths,
Disorient, daze, entrap the lone wolf,
The sole objective of the cobra’s bluff,
Drown and chain and pull me under,
An age of slavery driven by women’s plunder,
Cornered, back against the wall,
My hopeful pleas ignored by all,
God my sole guide and place of solace,
A world deprived of comfort, filled with false promise,
Through the storm the weathered captain sailed,
The lone wolf pierced through lies, unveiled.
My tears and screams known to none but God,
His endless relief a stream unflawed.
Liberated from the gilded cage,
Set foot into an entirely new age,
A life defined by my own choosing,
Not the tricks and masks of other’s losing.
Instinct and intuition my only companions as I survive,
The throws and tries of apparitions that lie.
The gnawing hole deep inside,
Unknown to all, unknown to me,
The one true truth that cannot hide,
Only revealed deep inside.
The barren sun, it freezes me,
I yearn for you, help me see,
Unburden me, set me free,
Unsheathe the sword, cut the chain,
Relieve me from bonds of pain.
I hide in my own domain,
Block out the light, seal my fate,
Divorced myself from you, disown the pain.
I wait for people, oblivious
To see through the cracks,
See beyond the smiles that lie,
See into me, the real me,
Unknown to all, even to me.
Stab myself just to feel,
As if I am real.
Lick off of daggers, just to taste,
What’s given freely.
Drink vials of poison,
For a mere drop of affection.
Bartered my kingdom, its lands and dams,
With no recollection.
Sell my heart, my soul, my being,
To the lowest bidder,
A desperate attempt to feel whole.
Stared at the sun, and blinded—myself,
For a glimpse of others’ reality.
Gripped your shadow,
Forever fleeing,
An endless chase, a doomed search.
Deafened out my voice,
Traded and exchanged,
My mind,
For the cheers of those,
Untethered from their souls.
Lie, and lie, and lie,
Not to you,
But to me,
Gripping onto illusions,
Like a scared child clutching onto its mother’s hand.
Turned away from the truth,
To soothe the little lost lamb,
Hidden deep.
Held onto anyone, to anything,
Just to hide from the wolves,
That tear and snare and pry and vie,
That rob my tomorrows,
That fill me from head to toe,
With memories of my sorrows.
An existence, forever stained,
By the eternal yesterday.
Defiled my soul,
With no real goal,
All for a taste,
Of what’s given freely.
I searched for transcendence in man,
And found an empty home—no solace.
I resented all of your plans,
And tilled the soil before its promise.
I yearned for warmth in an ember,
And lost sight of you,
The Sun,
Always there, unmoving.
I longed for relief from years of grief,
A perilous quest for a treasure—never to be found,
On the outside.
I sought what cannot be bought,
And was left all alone,
Penniless and empty.
Chasing a better tomorrow,
Running after the winds—fleeting,
I lost sight of my plight,
Momentary relief from my hollow place of abode.
Distractions from a life,
Redacted.
Struggled and wrestled with you,
The truth,
A piercing light that scattered my delusions,
Slaughtered my illusions,
A painful cure.
Everything you seek already lies inside,
Hidden deep,
If only we see.